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One Knight Stands

Check out the new site for all my latest posts on Movies, Music, Pop Culture, Humor and much more.

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Music Mughals 2007

Bollywood Music has just left me drained completely. This has been a year where I got variety , versatility and above all, quality music that transcends all definitions and spans across all possible genres from Qawwali to Rock to Jazz to Blues to even Hindustani Classical. This has been a year which has excelled all of my expectations, mostly in the later part of the year with the kicking in of the major blockbusters accompanied by their equally explosive soundtracks. It has been quite a journey for me listing out these gems and in no way I can accurately opt for the winners, but then, some are more equal than the others.

So the Nominees are:-

A.R. Rahman – GURU

From the Arabic belly dancing ritual number, Mayya Mayya, to the very Folk –Barso Re Megha, the signature Rahman sound in Tere Bina , the heart melting Hairat-e-Aashiqui which transforms into a Scottish Pipers song and then back to a Ghazal, and to top it all, a Soul Stirring choir singing in unison – Jaage Hai Der Tak Humein….GURU had it all. Bow down Mister, to the current GURU of Music.

Pritam – Life in a Metro

This is Bollywood makeover into the Rock image. And by Rock, it’s like \m/ ROCK accompanied with a “Hell Yeah”. Be it Alvida in its two avatars from KK and James, O Meri Jaan with the wild drumming, and the heart wrenching falsetto, or the extremely intoxicating and addictive In Dino which still continues to be on my playlist, Metro’s soundtrack didn’t feature a single star track, instead it’s a constellation out here.

Sajid Wajid –Partner.

If Metro brought Rock in, Partner brought the house down with Hip Hop, desi style. Thanks to the onscreen chemistry between the lead pair-Govinda and Salman, and to the immensely catchy tracks- Soni De Nakhre and My Love. Partner has to feature on this list. Who doesn’t want some breaks in between? Gaddee Po Po Po......

Shankar Ehsaan Loy –Taare Zameen Par

I swear I didn’t appreciate this soundtrack before watching the movie. After having watched the movie now, I listen to the songs in a very different light. It has definitely grown on me, and there is no doubt that this is by far Shankar,Ehsaan and Loy’s best work since Dil Chahta Hai. My favorite track here – Kholo Kholo and the Adnan Sami track- Mera Jahan accompanied by the sweet chorus from the children choir.

Shantanu Moitra – Khoya Khoya Chand

No one knows Jazz, Blues and Rock n’ Roll better in Bollywood than Shantanu Moitra. If anyone does know better, no one knows how to implement it in Bollywood music more perfectly than Mr.Moitra. He did it with Parineeta’s “ Kaisi Paheli”. And he does it again in a bigger and a better way in Khoya Khoya Chand’s “ Ye Nigaahein” and “Khusboo Sa”. He even reminds us of “Mann Ye Baawra” with his Qawwali rendition of “Khoya Khoya Chand” and gives Sonu Nigam, the biggest space to explore his vocals in “O Re Paakhi”.

Vishal Shekhar – Om Shanti Om

Any music which can elevate the presence of Deepika Padukone onscreen is definitely worth mention. Ajab Si ruled the charts but my personal favorite here is “Main Agar Kahoon”. The clubs dug Dard-e-Disco and well, Deewangi Deewangi proved out to be the ITEM NUMBER of the year. More than a hundred reasons to be nominated.

Narrowing it down to one winner this year is just next to impossible. And so, the Best Music of the Year goes to Shantanu Moitra – Khoya Khoya Chand and Pritam for Life in a Metro. Whom did you find to be this year’s Music Mughals?

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The Bollywood Razzies

As 2007 comes to an end, its time to roll out the red carpets, open the envelopes and beat the pulp out of those movies that kept on coming back to you and haunted you this year and made you shiver with disgust at the most odd years of the day/night.These movies go down in history of this list as the Bollywood Razzies, aka the Worst Movies of the Years as well as Performances. It is no easy job to make it to this list. You need to be utterly creative in some way, as in if you actually intended to make a tragedy, you ensure it looks like Mr.Bean’s Holiday. And if the original script pitched plans of a comedy, the end product should make all of the crew weep. Now that’s what we call (F)ART. Only few movies have been able to qualify for the coveted “award” this year, and choosing the righteous winner among them has been a tiring effort for me. It has taken me sleepless nights, intense hours of soul searching and some barrels of Budweisers to arrive at the “Winners”. So here we go.

Breakthrough Performance of the Year Male:-

The Shaved and Waxed chest, a Peek at what’s behind the Diesel Cap, The Nasal takes a big leap beyond the lands of Narnia, and well, He finally smiles. Ladies and Gentlemen, bow to his Majesty, Himessssss….Surooooor….Reshammiya. A Star is Born? Ahem Ahem! Sorry, I just choked on me words.

Fighting for the Throne:-
Dil Dosti Etc.Immad Shah’s “impotent” portrayal of a DU-ite in , which included dialogues like Safed Jheel, sharing the screen with Shreyas Talpade and Smriti Mishra ( as the saggy bellied Delhi hooker), and still manage to screw it all up. Man, so close to win the award.
Saawariya.Ranbir Kapoor does a “topless” Mere Khwabo Main Jo Aaye. A Breakthrough in Indian cinema nevertheless.
RGV ki Aag.Amitabh Bachhan butchers, screws the immortal spirit of Gabbar, Babban style in RGV way. Thou shall face the wrath of Gabbar one day.
The Deols flexing their “Dolles” in Apne, if that counts as one.
Salman Khan whisphers to Ali Larter in “purrfect” accent- Marigold is whack!!
Upen Patel- Shakalaka Boom Boom. ROTFL. I don’t have any idea what was I going to say about this one.

Breakthrough Performance of the Year Female:-

Nishabd:Jia Khan, ahem! actually her left leg. Ramu loves her left leg the most. More than her right leg. If Ramu has some sort of affinity towards her left leg, how could we be left behind. Jia’s left leg from 12 ft, from 6 ft, and from 6ft under. Now that’s breakthrough lensing, I guess. Wait, where’s the performance. Aah! I remember the trailer, where she says “ I think I am having feelings for you”. You do?

Fighting for the Throne:-
The team of Lara and Priety in Shaad Ali’s Jhoom Barabar Jhoom. Actually I cannot comment much on these ladies, coz I walked out of the audi in 10 mins flat.
Laga Chunri Main Daag:“Hi, I’m Natasha”. No you are Rani. WTF are you doing? You are supposed to be good and not replay Mumtaz’s Shalini Shastri (Aaina- 1977) in the flavour of the 1970s. God, YashRaj Films, dekho Bubli ka Kya bana diya.
Aami Monjulikaa—That’s breakthrough. For the one’s still confused” Hare Raam Hare Raam”
Honeymoon Travels:The entire bunch of mad ladies- Ssilpaa shouting to a leather jacket long haired Rampal- Jignessssss, Minissha Lamba to Abhay Deol in a speedo suit- Aspi----Zaaara,..and Raima Sen showing some Matrix moves in a Sari. Indian cinema hasn’t seen anything like this before, for sure.

Okay, I guess, since I have been talking of ensemble casts as performances, I shall have a separate award for it. What the heck!

THE GANG BANG (in a very vegetarian way):-

Big B as Babban, Devgan as Jai or is it Veeru, that guy as Veeru/Jay, Nisha Kothari as Ghungru, Sushmita Sen as the flat faced widow, Mohanlal Anna as Thakur and RGV as the tormentor. This is RamGopal Ver”Ma” ki Aag.

Dus Kahaaniyan- The list is like Bollywood’s B List, plus the honchos of Indian “meaningful” cinema . It unites India’s finest actors Naseeruddin Shah and Shabana Azmi after …( when was the last time I saw them sharing screen space?)..I donno when. It even boasts of 6 directors from Rohit Roy to Meghna Gulzar to Sanjay Gupta to Apoorva Lakhia. This is just hoch poch at best.
Buddha Mar Gaya. Just have a look at the list of the people involved here.
Anupam Kher, Om Puri,Ranbir Shourie and guess who’s next-Rakhi Sawant. LOL
Salaam-e-Ishq tries to recreate Richard Curtis’ “Love Actually” in a marathon love epic saga which might even give Devki Nandan Khatri (of Chandrakanta fame) to shame. The chandeliers were more polished, the choreography more Bhangra and more Lehengas and more Sherwanis , and the emotions ..aah…exhausting with Kailash Kher’s Ya Rabba playing on a loop. (Nikhil) Advani jee didn’t have Mr.Johar to tell him where to stop.
Jhoom Barabar Jhoom. Yep. I guess Shaad Ali was high, Abhishek Bachhan was stoned, and Bobby Deol was busy watching Apne’s Moser Baer DVD. Oh wait, Big B in El Capitano Jack Sparrow’s avatar in Paris. Now, what did I smoke?


Cacophonix de Honors:- Himesssss. Undisputed Heavyweight King of the Bantamweight Auto-rickshaw Drivers Music Club. “Hits” include—Jhoot Naaee Bolna, Assalaam Walekkum and the constipated Tanhhaaaiiiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Fighting for the Throne:-
Shakalaka laka laka laka laka laka laka Shakalaka Boom Boom
Rafta Rafta Dekho Dekho Pyaar Ho Gaya Raftaa Dekho Raftaa
Tadap Tadap Tadap Ho Tummmmmmmmmmmmm….
Ae Taambe Tu Kaun Si Maut Marega Re.
Jhoom Barabar Jhoom – the Retro Funk Lethal Attack v16.7 mix. WTF.

Tortueux de FILME’:-

And the “honor” goes to RGV ki Aag.This movie left me sleepless for nights together. If you want to read my heartfelt appreciation of the movie, you can read it here. But it has been quite a journey for the entire crew (must be). It must have taken them quite a few cleansing sessions at the Ayurveda clinics in Kerala, and of course a Ganga Snaan too. But lemme tell you, that shouldn’t be enough to rid you of the sins you all have committed to have tormented all of us with the 70mm of torture. In the words of the great Chandler Bing “Okay, it was like she was torturing me for information. And I wanted to give it up I just—I didn't know what it was!” RGV just deserves this and may be a Public Abuse Session as well. That should serve as a clinical session for his mental disturbance. C’mon, he couldn’t have made this movie if he was sane or in his complete senses.

Fighting for the Throne:-
Aaah. Not a very Long List here. Coz it actually takes a lot to match the genius of RGV ki Aag. Nevertheless, it’s here.

The Blue Film of the year- Bhansali’s Saawariya.
Dil Dosti Excreta, I mean Etc.
J-BJ. That’s Jhoom Barabar Jhoom.
Nikhil Advani’s tribute to Yashraj’s entire filmography in a single film- Salaam-e-Ishq.
Himmesss flirting around 16 year old Hansika and manages to escape pedophile charges. Actually, the lady gets swept off her feet by the waxed chest and…you know what, I’m tired of the nasal jokes. But when it comes to Himess, what else can you think of?

Aah. I'm done finally. Where's my Bud?

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Yamaha Roxx . .NOT

Okay, here I go again. Yet another review of another rock show. I know, I didn’t review Campus Rock Idols, which I should have, but I was lazy then, and well am lazy now too. But somehow, I feel like writing today, so I’m just gonna write it down.
Thanks to my friend Dipayan, and my knowledge of shortcut roads,I reached the venue, Elysium Lawns at 5:15 pm , the first wrong thing to do for any Yamaha Roxx event. They are bloody always late. Had to somehow survive through the entire painful course of noisy soundchecks and cacophonic distortions which they claim to be METAL ..yeah!!! I mean c’mon, who the fuck are you kidding? Management and arrangements were all over the place and it started to get on my nerves, which eventually resulted in a feeling of repulsion creeping in my mind. As a result of which, this review might not sound pretty positive. What the fuck! Where are the so called Pune rockers? This place is as dead as a morgue could be. I waited so long just because my pal , Rishi and his band, Silver were playing.

Okay, so soundchecks over. The bands started to roll in, and so let’s deal with them one by one. Shall we?
First up, ”Afterschool Blues”. Does seem like a school band. First thing, no bassist, so the rhythm section is all falling flat. The guitars are too loud, and too distorted. The vocalist is a girl, which has its advantages, but only when she can SING. In this case, she cannot. The self-titled original composition is set on a very low scale for the singer’s vocal range and is hardly audible. First act, no points from me. The riff though is catchy. But hey! You can’t build a whole song on one riff. Please complete it. And the bass replica from the keyboards, doesn’t work for me at all. Sorry!! Second song, RHCP’s Dani California. Singer in trouble again. Plain simple Karaoke stuff . It’s just the melody of the original song which keeps me listening to it. Hersh on the guitars was good , but I think , the tone should have been a sharper one for this song. Afterschool Blues,according to me, should get some proper schooling as far as the vocals and the “putting together act “ is concerned.

Next band: Dropout Society. Now, I’m not much into the knee length shorts, loose fit T-shirts, and the bass hanging below the knee kinda music they popularly consider as punk. Punk to me is Green Day. Punk to me is Fat Lip by Sum 41, and it is definitely not some riff rehashed and mashed from “All the Small things” by Blink 182. Dropout Society, whatever they played, seemed right out of some random punk formula, bringing in the extra drumming and the jumping around, but with a weird distortion yet again. Just can’t remember what songs they had for their set, and after it was over, it was out of my mind, forever. I guess they had some words like-Just like before. No idea whatsoever. Next.

Third band: Relapse. No offense, the lead singer is kkheeeeyuuuut. Hope she doesn’t smoke. I have this thing against smokers. They have bad breathe and well, black layered teeth. Wouldn’t want that on a gal, would you? Anyway,coming back to Relapse. First song:-Original comp(forgot the title)-Vocals –kicked it, nailed it. Want to recruit her for my band ( if it were ). The guitarist, who was showing off his white JEM, wasn’t the one playing the leads. It was the other guy. It sounded tight. Next song:-Skidrow’s 18 and Life. It’s very hard to fill in the shoes of Sebastian Bach. Surprisingly enough, she did a good job. End of the act, I got to know in the band intro, that the vocalist’s name is Aastha. Relapse-managed to put a decent act just because of the Aastha of Aastha, whatever that meant.

Time for some more bakarch@#$. The announcer who seemed to have headed out straight from the nearby gym, was accompanied by the lady in black. Man, they have some thick skin. Inspite of all the booos and fuck-offs, they try to put on a smile, and the guy keeps on repeating….give them a Big HAND of Applause. WTF!!!
Yeah, airguitaring and that Ray Ban shades. Not worth the 1000 embarrassing scraps in my scrapbook the next day. Moving on, next band, Rigor Mortis- which literally means the permanent contraction of skeletal muscle associated with death. Whaat???? Yeah, one of those unanswered whatevers. Another distorted mayhem sounding awfulness . In the words of Parikrama-Can somebody hear me I’m screaming from so far away? Yeah, screaming, not singing here. I’d bet my arse , no one got a single word of the lyrics. I’d rather not talk about the songs now. Because there aren’t any. Lamb of God cover, I can bet my arse, yet again (confident that I’d not lose my first bet), that the original would definitely sound as thrash metal, and the cover –just trash. And for all those dumb mindfucks in the mindless mosh-pit, wake up, care for your balls , you still have a long way to go to use them. How many of them were actually enjoying the so-called METAL? I really doubt or am I getting old.Fuck no. My friend Abhishek stepped up to the judge, Sheetal (not to be mistaken to a lady, it’s a HE and he plays the guitars in Tungsten, pretty awesome, actually reminds of Paul Gilbert, and his Brown Vested look and curly reminds me of VHS of Santana Live,totally different story hehe!) and he asked him, what do you think about such kind of music? He replied, looking at the mosh-pit, “You can see”.

Aah. Finally, it’s time for Silver to roll. And even before they start to let the cat out of the bag, the crowd knows it that this is what they have been looking forward to. I raise one hand in the air, and I swear Rishi didn’t pay me to write this, and even though he is a friend, this is a very objective and impartial opinion which many would agree. Rishi is the best bassist in PUNE, at least after AFS broke up, and Rushad is …where is he? All of the other band members complement him and this is why it ROCKED. Mahesh on the vocals can sing his lungs out, Savio on the leads can do justice to the Guitar, and Amit on the drums woo hoo. Love it when the double bass doesn’t kick in every now and then. LOL. Soundcheck begins, and it already feels that the judges have found the winner. First song, Feel the Heat. Needless to say, the crowd loved it, and so did I. First real act, original and kicking some real buttocks. Yeah, had some really minute glitches in between, but all marks for the entire act. Second song: Van Halen’s Ain’t talking about Love. Woo hoo. As Rishi promised, this was a SURPRISE. Loved it,especially because Mahesh grabbed the vocal chords and zoomed through it. Silver WINS WINS WINS. The go to Delhi for the National Finals. Btw, this event happened in Pune, for all those people who do not have any clue whatsoever.

Didn’t matter which band came next. What was it called? Talli. Forgettable original , and it disturbs me when every other singer tries to either growl or become an Eddie Vader clone. This is the point where I move out, and as I did so, I could hear SOAD’s Chop Suey being played. Turned a deaf ear and I vroomed on to Soul to have my Chicken Classic Soup to cleanse myself from all the bloody noisy shit I had been subjected to for the last couple of hours. Heard someone play Eric Clapton-ish Blues cum Jazz in Shisha. Thanked God , that I had finally some MUSIC to end the day. Amen!

P.S.Rishi, I accept cheques as well as cards for the pics.
P.S.2:- Coming soon, a brief history of Brute Force, to be out soon here. Till then, watch this space.
Pics Courtesy: My Motorazr V3i.
Another unanswered question.Why does nobody cover Aerosmith,Queen or GNR?

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GNR Image Quiz

The previous image quiz on Metallica was fun. Most of them complained that it was too easy. Still some of them mistook Master of Puppets to Turn the Page(shocking, I know). Most of them couldn't get the last one. Check the comments for the correct answers. Anyway, moving on, here I have compiled the GNR Image Quiz. This time no hints.Just straight images. Guess the song. As simple as that.

1.Quite a simple one to start with.






7.To end with.

Post your answers in the comments, or in the orkut forums where I post the quiz link. Till next time, rock on.

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Metallica Image Quiz

Here's a collection of flickr images that I have tried to combine which reflect the spirit and the Metchal of METALLICA.
I shall just give a hint to the song that is being represented by the picture. Find the answer in the Comments , in a week .Am expecting the answers in the comments.Have a blast!!!!
Rock on \m/
To start with..a simple one:
Song 1:

Hint: Death in the air
Strapped in the electric chair

Song 2:

Hint: Life it seems to....

Song 3:

Hint: No locked doors, no windows barred

Song 4:

Hint: Do you need one? If you do need a hint, you shouldn't be taking this quiz.

Song 5:

Hint:Blinded by me, you cant see a thing

To end with Song 6:

Hint: Try getting it without the Hint.

P.S. Please don't google for the lyrics. What's the point c'mon!!!

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Prison Break s03.The story so far.

It is one of the most watched TV series not only in the US, but across the world. For the uninitiated, Prison Break revolves around the exploits of Michael Scoffield and his brother Lincoln Burrows, and their constant efforts to get back to a normal life. While Season 1 was about Michael attempting to break out of Fox River with Lincoln, Season 2 was devoted entirely to the manhunt and this introduced us to one of the best characters of Prison Break, FBI agent,Alex Mahone. Season 3 premiered on Sep,17,2007 in the US and after airing 8 episodes, the show has now gone on a hiatus. So what new have we seen in Season 3. Read on to know more.

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When Joey meets Chandler

Meet Barney Stinson,if you haven't so far ie. And if you haven't, you poor thing, you have missed on a very LEGENDARY thing. He is the perfect womanizer ( inherited from Joey) and has the best lines of the lot( as in Chandler), in the show "How I Met Your Mother". So, even though the series protagonist is Ted Mosby, Barney remains the most favorite character on the show. Played by Doogie Howser kiddo (not any more),Neil Patrick Harris, Barney has some of the brilliantly written lines ever, more famous to fans as Barneyisms. Wanna some taste of it?

"You broke up with a porn star? Friendship over. Friendship over!"

"Phone Five!"

"one of the similarities between girls and fish... they are both attracted to shiney objects."

"There are only two reasons to date a girl you've already dated: breast...implants"

The list is endless and it gets funnier, exponentially. If you loved the "how you doin' of Joey and the closing lines of Chandler, you'll definitely love Barney.Suit UP!!Catch him on How I met your Mother.

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New Blogger Layout

I was kinda bored with the previous blogger layout on this blog. So this morning when I woke up, I just thought to myself, why not get a new template to myself. I know, once you start thinking that, you start questioning which is the best template and where do I find it? There are a zillion of Blogger templates available everywhere across so many websites, and one of the best ones is the library of all thing web2.0, and that's Mashable. It's got a wonderful library of Web 2.0 2 and 3 column blogger templates all for free. But the list didn't do much for me. So went ahead and looked for more, until I found this Blogger Template which I'm using on a site called freshbloggertemplates.blogspot.com/
This Template can be downloaded from this link.I hope you like the profile change that I have done.The greatest thing I like about the entire layout change is the amount of writing space I have now. It's much better and larger than the previous one. Well, the previous one was similar to my Techkeyla blog layout.

Image Courtesy:http://blogger-templates.blogspot.com/

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Life is sometimes Funny enough

Check this out

And well this one too...!!

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